Drunken Loose Cannon – When shit hits the fan…rest assured I will be in the room.

I thought this was going to be a movie about Raven Symone from “That’s So Raven”.

Boy was I wrong. The Raven is actually about Edgar Allan Poe and him solving crimes with Watson…wait…thats not right. Anyways, John Cusack plays the morose and irrational drunkard Mr. Poe and I guess he does alright. I never met Poe so I have no idea if Cusack captured the author correctly or not. SPOLER ALERT: Raven Symone never does show up…so that’s disappointing. Anyways, shit happens, Poe’s super hot girlfriend is kidnapped by Moriarty, I mean some dude(I wont spoil it for you)and that dude is running around killing folks in the manner of Poe’s morbid stories so then the police ask Sherlock, I mean Poe to help out and blah blah blah. Sherlock, I mean Edgar Allan Poe runs around finding clues all over London, shit…I mean Baltimore.

Guy Ritchie directs this joint….wait…nope, that’s not right…it was James McTeigue. Yeah, that’s it, but let me just tell you…it’s certainly no V for Vendetta. Have I said how The Raven was an awful lot like a Sherlock Holmes movie?

Pretty much Poe just drinks and yells and writes and looks for his super hot babe all movie long and I’m pretty sure it was going to be a Sherlock Holmes movie but they had to change it for legal reasons. The acting is not all that great but that’s the way fuckers acted back in the 1800’s or when ever the hell this film took place. Cusack has a goatee. There are Raven flying around all over the damn place. There’s lots of blood and if you’ve never seen a Sherlock Holmes movie you are going to LOVE this film. It’s pretty bad though. Theres no Raven Symone, no Watson..wait…there is a character VERY similar to Watson in it because wait…it pretty much WAS a damn Sherlock Holmes movie. By the way, Poe dies.